Friday, May 27, 2011

{thoughts}



This blog is mine. My  place to share my thoughts, feelings, whatever... whatever is on my heart, my mind. be it sad, happy, lonely, morbid, goofy, cute, or convicting!  This is my place to write and to 'let go'. So, if anything that I write bothers you, hurts, offends you- I am sorry. But maybe than you can just step aside, instead of judging or being critical! Because this a safe place for me, I am going to write what is on my heart, and not worry about who or what reads it. k? all clear? great! Cause I have more to write! xo

She stands back,watching the crowd; laughing,talking. Wishing, longing, wanting, to be a part, to be one with them. A tear slips by. She bites her lip till she tastes the bitter taste of blood, trying in vain to stop the onslaught of emotions overwhelming her.
"what, God.? what is it you want me here for? Why, here? Why now? You say there is a reason. A time and place for everything. But seriously. This? this emotion. this fear. this pride? How can I give in? How can I forsake it all. You chose wrong. There are certainly better candidates to be here. Ones that fit in. Ones that are already here! Really. Why am I here? To be a friend? Yes, to be a wife! But come on! Surely there is more?
I can be a friend. But my qualifications don't seem enough. I love kids but there does not seem to be any in need right here. so. what? I'll be waiting to hear from you..."
and with that she resigned, her turmoiled thoughts, and fell asleep. And when she woke up, she felt a lot better!;)

So part of this is fiction and part of it comes straight from my heart. But, just so you know, this didn't literally happen! 

13 comments:

  1. But it does happen. And you don't even have to be far from home to feel like a stranger, or look different to feel out of place, or be alone to feel lonely. So glad "she" felt better in the morning! I often have to think of that verse "Weeping may endure for the night but joy cometh in the morning" It's so HARD to remember that things will look brighter in the morning. (Just me ranting...)

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  2. Prairie Girl, I'm a ex-Californian, turned Prairie Girl. Been through everything you wrote about. . . My husband has extricated me from my MOL's pantry to take me home because I just couldn't take it anymore. But I've been here ten years now, and it's good. I'm so glad I came! And now I like to pray for the other girls going through what I went through. So, remember, you're on my list!

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  3. thank you H. :) always nice to know there is people who 'know'!
    Booklover- I love that verse as well, thank you!!

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  4. It will get better, I promise.... xoxo

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  5. your other big sisMay 27, 2011 at 10:55 AM

    Jenn...i miss you...and i hurt with you...even though i'm not "there"...i love you...hang in there...

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  6. Keep writing! Yes, this is your blog and it is a place to write what you feel. Your honesty encourages others......

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  7. I like the honesty here and I really like this last post.

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  8. thank you sistahs....

    and Grama K. it is my sincere hope that my words DO incourage people:) thank you!!!

    thank-you v.g. :)

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  9. Hi nuther gal who relates totally...... It'll be a good thing in the end, I promise. I'm obviously not at the end yet, but it's a good thing already:) that make any sense?? Courage to you. -Jilly Boo-

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  10. Hey, is your lifelovefamilyfriends friend doing okay? I can't access her blog, and I don't blame her for making it private or shutting it down, but I think of her and hope she's as okay as is possible under the circumstances. Pass on the thoughts, if you care to.

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  11. v.g. email me at- aprairiegirlincalifornia@gmail.com

    She is doing something more private, but you can access it, email me and I'll give ya the info;)

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  12. Hey Jenn... Good post. It reminds me somewhat of a favorite book of mine called the Divine Dance... keep writing!

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you can comment using 'name/url'. and just put your name in the name part. leave url blank.!! or if you have a google account that'd be super-dee- duper!!! thank-ya pals!! your comments give me courage to keep writing!!! love ya as always- The Prairie Girl.