Thursday, March 8, 2012

{to friend or not to friend}

How do you make a friend? 
(I think I am done typing now. ) ((or not...))

For an entire year and 8 months I have asked myself this question.
How on earth is a girl supposed to 'make a friend'.

A real  friend.
I am not talking about those people you meet up with at church, or social gatherings and commonly discuss your children's growth spurts (or in my case, the dogs), or those girls you get together with on the rare occasion and guzzle sweet tea or sip latte's and when you leave you feel emptier than when you left. Or than there are those ones that you really feel love you, BUT do they only  show you that love because, they have no idea who you are when you are sad, lonely, ticked off, or scared. They know only a surface you. Not the 'at-home-in-my-house- wearing-my-sweats-don't-feel- like talking- cause-I'm-lonesome' you. 
Surface friends.

No. those are not the ones I am talking about.
I am talking about those friends that (truly) call you at 2am. Even though they know you will be in bed, but its a bad night and they need to talk. and so you talk, and you cry together, you work it through and when you hang up you both are smiling and most importantly, your heart is smiling too. 

Or you are upset over something that happened at work. She listens and she doesn't judge because she has known me since we were small, and she knows that all I need is to let it out and I'll move on.

Where are those friends? (trust me I DO have them, but they are 'millions' of miles away)
  My question all day today, is can I/we make it through this life with only having those true-blue-call-at-2am friends reachable by phone? Will there never be someones place I can drive to and flop on her couch and laugh loudly about something exciting or on the same couch flop and weep uncontrollably out of anxiousness, or fear or whatever?

If there is going to be that person, how does a friendship like that start? What does a girl do to learn to gain confidence in some one that you don't 'know', How can I open my heart , and be totally vulnerable to the fact that . What if they think I really AM  looney when they find out how I really am. 

I know the old adage says- if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. 

But I just have to say this. (in a small squeaky voice) 
I don't know if anyone NEEDS me to 'be'

So how can I learn? Let me in on your secrets. :) or better yet, tell me what one of those friends has done for you lately. 
 (I am talking baby steps here ladies. I can't move very fast)



 

13 comments:

  1. I really have no super woman friend advice for you. I have found over a matter of 5 years! that's when I am finding out who my real true friends are. Moving to a new and strange place without a soul u know besides your new good dear hubby, is not a picnic. Time helps. The things life throws at u also show you who those people, true blue friends are!! I wish you all the best and with love.

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    1. I agree.. but I wish I didn't have to wait for life to throw me something else to find that friend. y'know? I'd like her/them before that happens ;)

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    1. ya, it was long but I re-read every.single.word. the 2nd paragraph is soo true. exactly.how I feel.

      and one of my very best friends is not married either and she still calls me at 2am. James has come to find out that friendship is important to me.and I will plow down mountains for those friendships.(of course a girl must find a balance in her girl friends and husband but in 'emergency's'? He knows. I will do anything to make her smile when she calls me. Cause I know she would do it for me...

      love ya (even though I never met ya ;) )

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  3. I might have cried a little bit, reading this. I know, Jen, I know. My friends "like that" are millions of miles away too and have been for four and a half years now. I'll be watching this space to see if anyone else has the answers. For me, so far, my sanity rests on things called blogs, comments, email, long walks, my hobbies, and most of all, The Hubs.

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    1. i cried when I wrote it...
      and yes, thank God for 'the hubs' , truly.

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  4. Jenn, I'm crying too.... :'( I KNOW all to well how it feels.... Some days I think Life is too short to live far away all your life. What else can I say?? (silence) xoxo

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  5. O I wish I had all the answers for you. Been there, done that moving a million miles away from everything I'd ever known, not fitting in. Now? I think I'm finding my place, and I LOVE my online friends. You all are the ones I shout out to and visit with at all hours!

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    1. Yes, I love my online friends too.... You all make my life;)

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  6. I so could have written this post.... but finally, finally... yes I don't like the why's of how it happened but I found another true blue friend living in our little town only 8 miles away. Otherwise mine are too far away too! We sure need them, dont we!

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  7. Can I be your friend? :) Truly wish we lived closer! You can come over to my house in your pj's after lunch! (because I will admit there are days when I'm too busy crafting and being a mom to change out of comfy pj's... and hubby doesn't care so who does?) :)

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