{to friend or not to friend}

How do you make a friend? 

(I think I am done typing now. ) ((or not...))

For an entire year and 8 months I have asked myself this question.

How on earth is a girl supposed to 'make a friend'.

A real  friend.

I am not talking about those people you meet up with at church, or social gatherings and commonly discuss your children's growth spurts (or in my case, the dogs), or those girls you get together with on the rare occasion and guzzle sweet tea or sip latte's and when you leave you feel emptier than when you left. Or than there are those ones that you really feel love you, BUT do they only  show you that love because, they have no idea who you are when you are sad, lonely, ticked off, or scared. They know only a surface you. Not the 'at-home-in-my-house- wearing-my-sweats-don't-feel- like talking- cause-I'm-lonesome' you. 

Surface friends.

No. those are not the ones I am talking about.

I am talking about those friends that (truly) call you at 2am. Even though they know you will be in bed, but its a bad night and they need to talk. and so you talk, and you cry together, you work it through and when you hang up you both are smiling and most importantly, your heart is smiling too. 

Or you are upset over something that happened at work. She listens and she doesn't judge because she has known me since we were small, and she knows that all I need is to let it out and I'll move on.

Where are those friends? (trust me I DO have them, but they are 'millions' of miles away)

  My question all day today, is can I/we make it through this life with only having those true-blue-call-at-2am friends reachable by phone? Will there never be someones place I can drive to and flop on her couch and laugh loudly about something exciting or on the same couch flop and weep uncontrollably out of anxiousness, or fear or whatever?

If there is going to be that person, how does a friendship like that start? What does a girl do to learn to gain confidence in some one that you don't 'know', How can I open my heart , and be totally vulnerable to the fact that . What if they think I really AM  looney when they find out how I really am. 

I know the old adage says- if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. 

But I just have to say this. (in a small squeaky voice) 

I don't know if anyone NEEDS me to 'be'. 

So how can I learn? Let me in on your secrets. :) or better yet, tell me what one of those friends has done for you lately. 

 (I am talking baby steps here ladies. I can't move very fast)