Friday, May 27, 2011

{thoughts}



This blog is mine. My  place to share my thoughts, feelings, whatever... whatever is on my heart, my mind. be it sad, happy, lonely, morbid, goofy, cute, or convicting!  This is my place to write and to 'let go'. So, if anything that I write bothers you, hurts, offends you- I am sorry. But maybe than you can just step aside, instead of judging or being critical! Because this a safe place for me, I am going to write what is on my heart, and not worry about who or what reads it. k? all clear? great! Cause I have more to write! xo

She stands back,watching the crowd; laughing,talking. Wishing, longing, wanting, to be a part, to be one with them. A tear slips by. She bites her lip till she tastes the bitter taste of blood, trying in vain to stop the onslaught of emotions overwhelming her.
"what, God.? what is it you want me here for? Why, here? Why now? You say there is a reason. A time and place for everything. But seriously. This? this emotion. this fear. this pride? How can I give in? How can I forsake it all. You chose wrong. There are certainly better candidates to be here. Ones that fit in. Ones that are already here! Really. Why am I here? To be a friend? Yes, to be a wife! But come on! Surely there is more?
I can be a friend. But my qualifications don't seem enough. I love kids but there does not seem to be any in need right here. so. what? I'll be waiting to hear from you..."
and with that she resigned, her turmoiled thoughts, and fell asleep. And when she woke up, she felt a lot better!;)

So part of this is fiction and part of it comes straight from my heart. But, just so you know, this didn't literally happen! 

Saturday, May 21, 2011

{a poem I wrote in 2008}


I am sitting here and wandering what was my life before?
Before I entered Navajoland did I know what it meant to 'give more'
Did I know the deep satisfaction  in loving with no end.
A child that reeked of liquor?or one his mom 'just couldn't stand'?
A child that cried for hours that panic stricken wail.
Desperate to get rid of my love that would not fail.
My arms that held him firmly did not speak of love to him
It made him think of anger or that he'd been bad again!
Did I know that patience is the key to gaining trust?
& when it's time to potty train, it is than a must?!
Did I know that patience  is what would help me through each hour
when attention spans were varied because of what their moms devour?
Did I remember from way back that Jesus listens close
when little boys pray fervently for the 'girl that cleans the clothes'
or for the 'cooker lady' that 'she'll make good food to eat'
or that when we are sleeping 'angels will stand around the gate'?
Did I know that Jesus cares when I am tired of folding clothes?
He cares so much in fact, He'll send a 'sis' to bear the load.
Or a 'tape-note' on the washer. "they made a brand new kind.(of washer)
it washes and it folds it" (no you haven't lost your mind)
did I really know what love was, before I set my feet
into this land of red rocks, love thats boundless & complete?
To hug a child completely, who's hair is caked with 'bugs'
who doesn't know what 'bath' means, cause moms to busy doing drugs.
Is how Jesus looks at us all, dirty sinful lowly men.
But He  looks beyond our 'bugs' with a love that never ends.
Did I know my love I gave, reflected on what I've got?
The kisses on the grubby cheeks,  was God's love being passed on.
Did I know that the best friendships, are made by the 'big girls' beds
when its 2 of us a-singing and we wonder, will it end?
or your working in the kitchen , cooking for this tribe
crying,talking,singing, laughing-till you nearly split your sides!
No, so many things I did not know before I walked inside
the doors of a house so familiar, I could now walk through it blind.
No before I drove up 3rd street, all the way up top the hill.
I never knew so much stuff, that my heart could be SO FULL.
So full of deepest 'mother' love, for children, not my own.
But ones despite their loudest cries, were sent to this 'child care home'
For us to love, to teach of God, that he's 'so Big and strong'
he'll 'keep the bad guys out', then we'd sing the 'twinkle' song.
And now I'm leaving going on from here. My heart is broke in two.
How can I leave these black haired babes? I am giving them to you.
my fellow 'sisters' following me,to God, and back to their land,
the Great Spirit of their nation, please hold tight their tiny hands.
So I can leave in peace, knowing you will carry on.
loving, kissing hugging them from mid-night until dawn.

so. this poem might not make a speck of sense to any of you. but to me? this was my life. My WHOLE life. crammed into 6 short months. way to short. I still dream of this life. Of going back and sleeping in bunk beds, of always having 9 other girl-friends to hang out with when the cleaning, and laundry were done, and our voices were hoarse from singing lullaby's to the kids as they fell asleep...Of soothing a child, a hurting, abused, aching, frightened, screaming child. Of seeing them smile, as you plunked them into that tall tub, for a bath.
Yes, I dream of those days... I dream of black haired babies with names that you couldn't pronounce!
someday... someday I will go back... until then... I am still dreaming:)

(by the way. I do love James and I do enjoy being married to him, In this dream, he goes back there with me;) )

written October 2008 by- ME!!!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

{{happenings concerning 2 dogs.mine & the neighbours.}}

 So my dog may or may not be having puppies. We have yet to know if the dog visiting her was male or female. or neither. It is with many crossed toes and fingers that it was the later one. (O but there was a dog back there.) I saw it. James saw it. But maybe it was a dog that just isn't quite sure whats its supposed to be any more. A female or a male.
 The first time he told me was when we were driving along, after leaving supper plans.
In a very non-chalant voice- "O honey. Before when I looked out the window , there was a, umm, dog out there with Zoe. "  Yes. Indeed. My horrified eyeballs nearly popped right out of my blonde head. and my jaw hit my bony shoulder. "A. DOG.WAS.IN MY BACK YARD. WITH MY DOG???"
 'ya'.
 "o YEAH?"

Well the question is now. If she is pregnant? What on this earth will we do with a passel of pure bred Cocker Spaniels and some poodle/shitzu/chihuahua/ (Thank goodness for spell check cause I didn't ever spell that word before) cross? And if she is not pregnant? I will kiss her. Than I will take her to get 'fixed up' So, she too will join the ranks of not knowing exactly what her role in dog life is... Besides being my 'guard dog'!

Needles to say, she now is tied up. Poor thing. But our poor old rickety fence came tumbling down last week, (after this incident,mind you)  in a horrifying wind storm. and me. Can not risk the chance of having her wander in to 'that' dogs back yard.
No, indeed.

Would you go over to the neighbour and ask about what ranks their dog is in? Female, male or neither? Or would you just wait it out and see what happens?

Monday, May 9, 2011

{{ patience }}

So! We found a GREAT  website hosting place to start my very own website on!
and its a fraction of the cost. its FREE!!! and I can up-load all I want! wow.
un-lim-it-ed.

Yes! I am a excited!!! Thanks to my ever wonderful friend Cheyenne who directed
me to this place !!!

So just hang tight for a day or two... this lady is working her tail off to get it up and
running !!!

See you oh, so soon, over at-

Indoor Wall Decor ;)

Friday, May 6, 2011

{{a friend who needs support}}

If you want to do something worthy while you are 'snooping' around on blogs
head on over to my friend over at lifelovefamilyfriends, and give her your hugs, love and support as she travels
an awful, nightmarish journey through grief. They lost their little girl Lauren in a drowning accident
a week ago yesterday...

ONE RULE. You MUST leave her a encouraging comment. NONE of this looking and leaving.
She needs it and it can be your kind deed for the day... and for the days to come...
Do a double good deed and become a follower...

Thank you for helping to spread the love...

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

!!!new website!!!

I am so excited! James has been slaving away for me, (he loves this kinda stuff. me.to dumb.) working on setting up a new website featuring 100's of new designs I will be cutting on vinyl!!!!

Hold on to your {under-wear} because soon, very soon, I will show you the link to AWESOME-NESS!!!!!

a sneak peak for you my peeps-
clock faces for a diy clock!!!


darling growth charts to record those growing
the fastest in your home!! ;)




 are you as excited as me??!! :)