Theres this song...
'some days I wonder... at this game called life'
It's been cruising through my mind rapidly today.Starting because of feeling the pain of a friend who is going throughthe same adjustments I am (you know who you are L.)
We struggle with finding our place in a world that is so unlike the one we came from.
We struggle so hard with finding 'true friends' who see us for 'who we are' NOT for 'what we appear to be'.
We appear strong, confidant, and happy. but sometimes deep down there is a raging battle. A battle with fear, self-consciousness, worry. for what people are saying about 'who we appear to be'.
Fear for if that tear does slip out during a song at church that some one will snicker. "Vulnerable woman. Weak. Wimp. Can't handle anything. She choose to marry him so why can't she suck it up. She is stuck here. So why can't she get over it." (figments of my horribly imaginative mind.)
But we feel it. We feel not understood.
And than. some one steps out of the crowd to 'love us'. to look beyond the battle in our hearts and love us how we are. To see beyond our flattish accent. To see our heart.
We wonder is it true. But we have been burnt so we hold off. waiting for the moment that
this 'friend' turns her back and 'slaps us in the face' with a comment, surely not meant to sting. but it does.
It rips at our hearts. and we wonder. Ever? will there ever be anyone who truly 'knows my heart'?
And than another one steps out of the crowd. She does not push. she does not pry.but she loves.
and all you can do is bask in her glow. She probably has no clue what she is doing for me. But the the very essence of her presence in a large crowd will set my mind at ease. She is 'heart friend'. Even though she really does not know a whole lot about me... she chooses to see beyond 'me' and see my heart.
I wonder some more...
because one friend called me today to tell me she is expecting her first child and I smiled! Baby's are the very best way to start people. I am so very excited for her...
but my heart did a plummet when. a very dear, close friend of mine called to say she miscarried her baby.
and I wondered... confused sometimes about this game called life...
But ever so thankful to be given a chance at playing it!:)