Tuesday, May 8, 2012

{a feeling}

... of dread.
Do you to? Do you feel it?
I do.

The feeling is (usually) always worse than the actual happening.

I dread. packing up my house and moving.
No, trust me. I am very,very, excited to be moving but the thought of boxing up ALL.THIS.STUFF.
dread.


Yesterday. All day long. I could hardly think straight. They were still here. The giggles, the voices, the noise,the dirty pampers, the baby, the people. But I knew they were leaving today. and I had to block, and block, and re-block my brain from going there.

They left. and yes. I cried. I panicked. I did.
But I think I'm ok. ( give me 10 minutes.)
I will be ok.
I was expecting it to be much, much worse.

Fear? Dread? same thing?
Do they stop us from doing things?
Good things?

I set my alarm clock.
With dread. Knowing that waking up is going to be a night - mare.
but the alarm clock rings. I get up. yes, not willingly. but I get up.
and I survive. I live!

Now you know why I menu plan. Saves me that feeling.

I hear about child-birth. a.lot. a.lot.
It's fine. truely. My friends all have kids and I realize it's a HUGE. deal. to deliver a baby.

But I dread it. I am fearful.
but than they all say.
It is soo worth it.
and besides. a lot  of ladies do it.
so why wouldn't I be able to handle it.
Right?!
Fear.

I clean pools with James.
He knows that the skimmer basket is not my line of duty.
but occasionally he will ask me to clean it out.
I hate it.
You have to lift up this little lid and look down into this hole
and God-only-knows whats under that lid.
Frogs?
Yes. there is sometimes frogs.
and so I dread it. I fight it.
and than sometimes I tough it out.
and do it.
it's ok.
there are no frogs.
One day there will be, and that will be the end of me checking skimmer baskets.

What do you dread? How do you just 'cast it aside'?
Please. Make me feel normal...


PS. Please go here to this Flash Mob. over at Momastry. Be a part of something GREAT and Big!!

13 comments:

  1. your big sisterMay 8, 2012 at 5:17 PM

    Jenn, you are SO normal. xoxo

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  2. you can do it!!! I did, so anyone can! Frogs? Snakes? Yes I can't say I blame you. Saying good-bye to your sister.... can't say I blame you for your fearful feelings either. I'd love love to help you pack ur boxes and move but.... Hang in there girl. luv ur sask friend.

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  3. Definitely normal!!! I dread going to work tomorrow, a certain few storage/junk places in my house, my husband being so busy in summer, saying goodbye to my family in June, and cleaning out my garage. But life is good and I like your pin that says , "someone else is happy with less than you have"!! I'm just a teeny bit jealous that you can quit your job and work with your hubby;-)

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  4. Dread? I know all about it. Just said another airport goodbye this afternoon.

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  5. your other big sisMay 9, 2012 at 8:19 AM

    Jenni.... I dread facing the future without living by a sister... not even one and I was blessed with 4 of the most beautiful sisters ever... and spending 6 days with you makes me realize all over again why somedays... I just go by myself to the city cause there's just no one quite as comfy as a sister to shop with... (BUT in the same breath I want to thank God for the "sister friends" He has placed into my life...). Jenn, thanks again for being my sister, my best friend... And once you're in your "new" house you will find that you will become a new person as well... xoxo

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  6. You are so, so normal! Do you have any idea what courage your bring to others when you are honest like this! For so long I longed to know that others struggled with things as I did. I thought everyone except me 'had it all together'! But when I was brave enough to admit what I dreaded/fought I found others who honestly knew what I was talking about! We need each other...... honestly!

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    Replies
    1. I am happy to know I give courage. I tend not to 'speak out loud' about things like this that I have trouble with. Writing them seems so much easier. And than the response always makes me feel- so- loved. ♥

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  7. Dread... a definite part of my vocabulary! But sometimes.... sometimes I find that dreading it is worse than when it actually happens... go figure!

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    Replies
    1. uh-huh. It is nearly always better than expected!

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  8. Oh Jenn, you are beyond normal. I don't know how many times I'm coated with these feelings....what else do you do? You pray...you go through the motions....and if you're full of BRAVERY like you...you voice them! Giving them a chance to vent out of you, receive courage from others and let others know they are not alone...we all share these very human emotions. They are yucky, we wish we didn't have them, but they are there---and you are brave, my sister!

    Wish I was there to pack boxes, eat with you, and dream with you. I would LOVE to help you clean!

    Miss you!

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