{a feeling}

... of dread.
Do you to? Do you feel it?
I do.

The feeling is (usually) always worse than the actual happening.

I dread. packing up my house and moving.
No, trust me. I am very,very, excited to be moving but the thought of boxing up ALL.THIS.STUFF.
dread.


Yesterday. All day long. I could hardly think straight. They were still here. The giggles, the voices, the noise,the dirty pampers, the baby, the people. But I knew they were leaving today. and I had to block, and block, and re-block my brain from going there.

They left. and yes. I cried. I panicked. I did.
But I think I'm ok. ( give me 10 minutes.)
I will be ok.
I was expecting it to be much, much worse.

Fear? Dread? same thing?
Do they stop us from doing things?
Good things?

I set my alarm clock.
With dread. Knowing that waking up is going to be a night - mare.
but the alarm clock rings. I get up. yes, not willingly. but I get up.
and I survive. I live!

Now you know why I menu plan. Saves me that feeling.

I hear about child-birth. a.lot. a.lot.
It's fine. truely. My friends all have kids and I realize it's a HUGE. deal. to deliver a baby.

But I dread it. I am fearful.
but than they all say.
It is soo worth it.
and besides. a lot  of ladies do it.
so why wouldn't I be able to handle it.
Right?!
Fear.

I clean pools with James.
He knows that the skimmer basket is not my line of duty.
but occasionally he will ask me to clean it out.
I hate it.
You have to lift up this little lid and look down into this hole
and God-only-knows whats under that lid.
Frogs?
Yes. there is sometimes frogs.
and so I dread it. I fight it.
and than sometimes I tough it out.
and do it.
it's ok.
there are no frogs.
One day there will be, and that will be the end of me checking skimmer baskets.

What do you dread? How do you just 'cast it aside'?
Please. Make me feel normal...


PS. Please go here to this Flash Mob. over at Momastry. Be a part of something GREAT and Big!!