{ hi mum}

  Somehow we made it through another Mother’s Day without you physically here to bless and honor. This year the actual day wasn’t so terrible for me. It was those trips to Target and Hobby Lobby and Lowes, Home Depot, being online and being constantly bombarded with reminders of things to buy your mom, have you bought your mom a gift yet. The most special lady in your life deserves this, what did you buy your mom for Mother’s Day?  The list could go on and this year it felt like a bad dream where every time I went into a store it screamed at me: You’re mom is dead. 

 I feel so incredibly honored to be a mommy myself. The gifts Tessa bestowed on me were truly epic. The things 8 year olds get excited about giving their moms, makes my heart hurt with joy. Hadley is actual  sunshine in a body these days. Yes, she still has the energy of 3 2 year olds but the hugs and kisses are endless. 

 We spent the day at the beach, just the 4 of us. If you’ve been here any length of time you’ll likely know the ocean is that place for me where heaven comes down and I feel like that veil between heaven and earth is very thin. I see the blue of her eyes in the ocean and her steady presence in the continual, steady beat of the waves. I see her in the smiles of my girls, it’s uncanny how much they both look like their Grammy to me. I see her in their eyes and in their laughing faces. I know she’s with me but even so, there’s just nothing like her physical presence. 

 I was going to write and tell you about life here but I guess it turned into whatever this is. You’re in my heart always.