{Hi Mum}

 Are you there? Can you see us here doing life without you? Do you know how much we miss you and your wisdom and kind words? Do you see Tessa going off to school these days with out crying? She has been being so brave this school year. Last year was so very difficult for her and I. She has only asked me to come inside with her a few times and she has only came back home with me once. Do you see me struggling with motherhood? I have so many questions for you mama, so many. How did you do it? How did you raise all six of us and not yell. How did you survive 6 pregnancies being sick for the majority of the entire pregnancy? Do you see me showing Hadley the picture of you holding her when you first met her? I tell her about you and how much you loved her, and I weep that she will never remember your hugs and stories. Do you see us struggling so hard with bed time right now? It seems like it takes hours for everyone to fall asleep. Do you smile like a mother only can, when we all are sleeping? Do you see Tessa learning new things? She's growing up so much and learning what it means to persevere when trying a new 'career' as she likes to call it. Do you see my girls hugging and kissing me when I'm sad? Did you see Hadley say ' mama you cy'? and then she kissed me. Little did she know I was weeping while thinkging that she will never remember you. Do you see James taking care of us? He's so good to me mama. How did you know? How did you know he was the one for me? Did you hear Tessa tell me my breath smelled like yours after you ate toast? I had been drinking coffee and eating toast. That made me laugh and I like to think it made you laugh too. 

 I miss you mama. Every day, so much and I wonder what you can see. These are only a teeny tiny fraction of the things I'd tell you if I could talk to you today. I can't wait to talk to you again.