tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-46139470817725474652024-03-02T18:02:32.985-08:00a prairie girls thoughtsJenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.comBlogger254125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-953761024054636142024-02-12T22:47:00.000-08:002024-02-13T12:16:11.750-08:00The ‘and’ that binds <p><br /></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I’ve known for years it would happen, eventually. </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I even had a vision from God about it a few years ago in the shower while the sun was beaming in the window. Looking back I wonder what God was doing when he gave that to me. Because none of it happened like that vision showed, so maybe it was more a gift from Him to start preparing my heart for what was to come. That’s what I’ve concluded. We can talk more about that a different day though. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">When he first called me and told me about this lady who’d invited him to sit with her at the coffee shop, and then how he talked & continued to talk about her, I wondered. I had a lot of wonderings actually throughout the next year. Some of them were skepticisms and some were curious little thoughts, some made me smile. Who, what, where, why? Find friends tracking him on my iphone helped answer a few questions from time to time. A day at the Omaha zoo answered a few more and as time went on we </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">realized soon that she wasn’t against a good prank & she loves shoes. (I mean who doesn’t.) She is gracious & kind, and giving compliments is her gift. To top it all off, she was seeming to add some sparkle back into my dads life.</span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> I can’t tell you how many times, sitting around late at night we’d have this conversation, Child and dad. Dad asking- but how will I know? How will I ever find the right one?</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Me telling him over & over- just look for a friend, don’t look for a wife. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> I have no idea if in the end he took my advice, but I like to think he did. (Me- laughing) but it seems to me it’s what happened. This friendship built on the common ground of shared grief & Jesus, turned into love. So they decided to get married. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> A few weeks ago we found ourselves in the muddiest mud I’ve been in for a long while, in Kansas. Our large entourage made their way to a middle-of-no-where, gracious farming community surrounded by harvested corn fields speckled with snow. There we met some new to us friendly faces. Faces that we learned the names of and then they turned into some sort of framily? Isn’t that what you call friends who are family? Maybe not, but I think it’s cute. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>My siblings, our spouses & children’s headcount is that of a small congregation when we get together & sometimes I fear that our size makes us bit overwhelming in situations like this. Truth be told, we are sometimes overwhelmed. We all have fears, we all cry over things we can’t change & we snort laugh when things get awkward or we are nervous. I think that’s one of the beautiful things that happened that weekend. The realization that we’re all more alike than we are different. Same & different. The ‘and’ brings all of us together & creates a sort of bond, a story all of its own. One we can all relate to. Scared & hopeful. Nervous & brave with a shaky smile. Smiling & weeping. Crying & laughing. Strangers & friends. Young & old. Silence & a little girl announcing she needs to poop. (Of course it was my child, in the middle of the ceremony). Sadness & happiness. Grief & joy so closely woven together it’s impossible to tell them apart. Unfamiliar & family. Overwhelm & the feeling of being literally held up by prayers. Unknown & Gods got this. Joy & grief. Loss & gain. Grief & love. Heaven & earth. Dad & Miss Jan. </span></p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-17886979735775839202024-02-06T22:31:00.000-08:002024-02-07T00:15:18.023-08:00{worries & grief}<p> </p><p>Years ago before & after I got married & moved away from my family, my greatest fear was the day my mum or dad would call & say ‘the cancer is back.’ I thought about it frequently. I planned what I’d do. I envisioned how I’d crumple & How I’d call James, between gut wrenching sobs I’d say - I have to go home, my mum, it’s back. My brain would go out of control. And I’d envision myself trying desperately to get to her. Frantically packing, getting on an airplane and then when we’d land, my phone would be buzzing with alerts that despite my very best valiant efforts, Mum had died, before I could get to her. These thoughts consumed me off and on for years. </p><p> Then one day I got a call. He said- It’s back. I crumpled. I cried my eyeballs out, I worried and I tried to convince myself it would somehow be okay. Jesus gave me the strength to stand up and I kept going because the thing you don’t know until it happens to you is that you.have.no.choice. You pick up your feet & somehow your body keeps moving forward even when your world has abruptly been interrupted.The fear was still there. All the things. I worried a lot & I cried a lot & spent as much time with her as possible. And then one day my brother called and said- you really need to come home. So we did. We frantically, in a blurry fog of disbelief, booked tickets & friends packed our bags. We took the soonest flights we could find. We boarded the plane while the sun was still shining brightly in another land. Here It was black outside & yet, even in the dark, I thought over & over- God will NEVER let my worst fear happen to me. He wouldn’t. He just wouldn’t. We sat on the very back row of the airplane. Our seats didn’t even recline because the wall was there, holding us up I guess. We flew over the green mountains & blue ocean, & underneath the cloudy sky. Cloudy, bits of blue, heavenly sky. Then we descended into LAX. The screech of the wheels hitting the tarmac hadn’t happened yet but the buzzes & beeps from my phone had. I was Holding my 6 month old baby, staring at my phone, Not believing what it said. Then in the most painfully feeble wail/cry I could muster I looked at James and said - she died. And I crumpled. Again. The life completely knocked out of me. A shell of who I’d been when flying under that blue sky 20 minutes prior. I sobbed, thankful for the roar of the brakes & engines that drowned out my weeping at least from most of the passengers. The plane came to a stop & then do you know know what I did, I stood up with my husband & little girls & I walked, because apparently they don’t let you stay sitting on the airplane even if your mom literally just died. You have to keep moving, even when you are certain you surely can not move another inch. But what nobody can physically see is Jesus is right there with you. Even when you feel angry at your circumstances and you feel angry at Him for letting your worst fears happen, he’s still there. Especially when we are weak & broken-hearted. He’s promised to never leave us of forsake us & that is how I got off that airplane. That is how I boarded the next one & didn’t panic. That is how I boarded that elevator at Tom Baker Cancer Centre for unit 57. That is how I walked into that dark, stuffy, familiar hospital room filled with my siblings and flung myself on her still, precious body and sobbed like the little girl I was. Jesus. That’s how. He carried me. The whole entire way. </p><p> I know I’m not the only one who worries and lays awake at night planning what ifs and when’s. I also know the one who watches over us never sleeps and now I know that even when your worst fear happens in real life, you will survive. It will knock you flat, you will cry, you will bang your fists on the wall. You will lay on the floor and weep like you have never before. The shower will be your haven. The salty, sobbing tears, drowned out by the constant stream of hot healing water. Nobody will see this side of your grief. Maybe the ones who live in your home but maybe not even them. They will bear the brunt of your grief, your sadness might come out in anger or impatience. It might come out in absolutely no energy, or in being so busy just to try and hide the pain. Nobody grieves the same. </p><p> But you will survive. One day you will be laying in bed & realize you didn’t cry that day, one day you will laugh out loud, a belly laugh that makes the happy tears fall, & it will feel so good. But It might come with some guilt, because maybe nobody has told you this little secret about grief - it’s okay to laugh. Laughing doesn’t mean you aren’t still really really sad. Laughing doesn’t mean ‘you are over it’. On the days you don’t cry, that’s okay. Not crying doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them. Not crying doesn’t mean you’re healed & back to normal. (Normal shnormal) Usually it just means that you are learning to live your life around your grief, it’s part of you. A good part though. With out love, there isn’t grief. Grief is love. Think of it as a pet or a friend. It’s right there, beside you always. Following you around, but even though it’s there you can still laugh & smile & start to find joy in things again. </p><p> I’m not a grief expert but what I know is this- Your absolute worst fears may come true. Spending time worrying about them, as you can tell from my own experience, did not help me even a speck. They still happened & yet, with Jesus, I survived. Now, I sometimes say to myself (in my moments of feeling brave-ish ) why worry? My worst fears happened & look at me! I’m.still.standing. with Jesus holding me up. </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-4003967273973313692023-05-13T20:09:00.006-07:002023-05-13T22:53:48.639-07:00Mothers Day letter<p>Mum- <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Oh how we miss your gentle presence in our physical lives. Thank you for being the peace loving, God fearing mother we needed. Would we truly know what love was had it not been for you? I remember as a child when I was grumping about Jon getting to sit while us girls did the dishes & serve dessert & you told me- it’s a life of service. You give & give & give some more.</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> </span><span class="s2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">It’s how she loved her life. The way you loved & served Dad is my gauge for myself as a wife & mom. I am always attaining to be more like you. Respectful & kind. My gentle voice has a ways to go before I am like you though. (Maybe I got that voice from Dad. </span><span class="s3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px;">🙃</span><span class="s2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"> ) Always measuring my parenting by how you did it. How you had confidence in us, how you let me be me, even when I was the opposite of you. How you were firm but never rough or angry. How you let us be kids & make a mess but we always had to clean up before Dad came in for supper. Teaching us respect with out us even knowing it. He was your King and we knew it. There was never a day (except when you were sick) that you didn’t meet Dad at the door with a kiss- and we noticed in case you thought we didn’t. </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Thank you for being an example of a Godly mother. Thank you for praying with us & teaching us to pray. Thank you for kneeling by the couch with me and helping me pray ‘the sinners prayer’. I feel the echoes of your prayers still today. </span><span style="font-size: 17px;"> </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Thank you for being an example of love. For loving everyone around you unconditionally. The people that came into our home, everyone you met, the many nurses & doctors & room mates that felt your care & love, even though you were going through the hell that is cancer & transplant, they saw the love of Jesus shining in your eyes. I remember some of them so well because of the stories you would tell us about their lives. I know they will never forget you. </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">A friend told me once, when I told her I just wish my mom was here to give me advice - when you sit down in the quiet, I think you know what advice she’d give you. It’s true, I hear your voice in my head often. The veil is thin between heaven & earth & I know your presence is closer than we sometimes realize. </span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 22px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> We miss you immensely. Sometimes the pain of how final death is, is suffocating. But we lift our heads and carry on, knowing heaven is our home too! </span><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Again looking at your example of smiling & being brave even on the hardest days of your life. </span><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> The girls talk of you often. Hadley, always confused about where this heaven place is that Grammy lives. Tessa bravely goes on. Your death brought more trauma into her little life than any of us ever dreamed. Your voice of wisdom has went over & over in my head many times when I’m feel weak & undone in the area of parenting. I know that you would be proud of us for listening to her fears, & helping her heal & grow. Knowing the trauma you went through as a child has spurned me on to make sure she feels seen & heard by the ones who love her most. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Thank you God for giving me an actual Angel mother here on earth, please honor her on this Mothers Day from me down here. </span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Your daughter. </span></p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-49444897106918352012022-12-05T21:19:00.001-08:002022-12-05T22:23:22.626-08:00An answered Prayer <p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">Do you ever feel like God is ignoring you? It’s the worst feeling… </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">We had an awful night. Hadley was uncomfortable and she coughed all night. All.night. Tessa woke up at 4:30 am and couldn’t sleep. I was so exhausted. I had been praying every time she started coughing that she could stop. We had an appointment this morning for her leg and I was terrified they wouldn’t let us in if they heard her coughing. Then she started throwing up when she coughed. She wasn’t allowed to eat due to the doctor appt/possible surgery. So she was just barfing up phlegm. Sorry TMI, but it was bad. My nerves were absolutely shot and I was sure God was ignoring my tears and pleas for help in the form of suppressing a cough. I finally got most of us dressed and in the car. Then took Tessa to school, she was a puddle of tears because of how the morning was & she’s been very worried about her little sis. Lots of emotions. </span><span class="s2">💔</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I asked my sisters to pray. Then I went & picked up James. We were only a little ways down the road when I started crying and said- “ I am so angry at God right now. He is totally capable of stopping her cough & He won’t.” (she’d been coughing non stop for 5 hours at this point, her tummy hurt & I had given her every single cough helping medication I had in my house) I was angry & quite worried. I took a deep breath & just sat & watched the clouds, resigned that we’d be turned back & rescheduled. Trying to trust Him, knowing deep down He is my source of strength & whatever happened we’d be okay. We arrived at the hospital & James said ‘You know she hasn’t coughed more than 2 times since you told me you were angry at God.’ I felt a glimmer of hope. We walked into the clinic and I kid you not, she didn’t cough 1 time the entire time we sat in there. </span><span class="s2">😭</span><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Won’t He do it? <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>Sometimes he doesn’t answer our prayers the way we think or when we think. It was such a reproof to me, how God can do it but I have to trust Him, no matter the outcome. It’s the only way, for me. I’ve had so many prayers not answered how I think they should have been but when I look back I know he carried me, even when it felt like I was stumbling alone, He was there. He’s there for you too. </span></p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-44650339861709409792022-12-03T01:03:00.005-08:002022-12-06T16:42:12.095-08:00A grief chat with me… <p> </p><p>It’s okay to feel happy when you’re celebrating something</p><p>It’s okay to feel very sad while you’re smiling about something.</p><p>It’s okay to feel happy and sad at the same time.</p><p>Sometimes you will be smiling and even laughing while talking with someone but inside your heart literally is shattered. You feel like a heart-broken puppet being commandeered by a clown </p><p>You might be in a season of grief or be grieving the loss of an important person if you can relate to this. You’re not going to cry every hour forever. Someday you’ll smile at something without feeling that slap of guilt - oh I shouldn’t smile when my grief is so fresh and raw. Remind yourself that it’s okay to smile. One day you’ll belly laugh and again, you won’t feel that guilt. Then there will come a day where you go a couple hours with out crying, at first you might even feel guilty about this. But remember that it’s okay, there aren’t any rules; emotions ebb and flow. I used to wonder how people could compare grief to the waves of the ocean but now I know. The waves lap at the shore for a bit and then boom. They crash and rip and tumble and you gasp for air but then it’s a bit calmer for awhile and over and over and over. </p><p>One thing about grief that I wasn’t prepared for was that feeling of guilt. Guilt that I hadn’t thought of her all morning or guilt that I laughed the day after her funeral or guilt that I forgot it was the 8th month death-aversary. The what ifs and had I onlys are another big side of it. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for words left unspoken or forgotten dates. Remind yourself this- my laughter doesn’t mean I have forgotten. Even if you forget certain dates doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your person or that you love them less. </p><p>Holidays bring another painful aspect to grief. So many things can cause a wave of grief to hit. It’s okay to lay aside traditions of their too difficult and it’s also okay to start new traditions. Remind yourself - starting new traditions doesn’t mean I have forgotten it maybe means I am honoring my person or something else. Give yourself the grace to skip a party if it feels too uncertain. If you want to go but feel nervous have a ‘back door’ exit plan before you go. Sometimes the scariest thing about grief for me is ‘what if a wave of grief hits while I’m _____.’ Ive wept in front of kind strangers over random words Spoken and then there’s been times when strangers have asked me - is that your mom? And I’ve smiled (not even cried) and said ‘no, I wish’. (Literally has happened multiple times, how random right?) More than once I’ve been grocery shopping and seen something that reminded me of my mom and I’d lose it, leaning on that red shopping cart trying to not ugly cry wail in the milk aisle at target. It’s okay to leave the cart with your things in it and walk to your car. It’s also okay to have a little cry and then lift your chin and power through until you get to your car or home. </p><p>Something I have told to people following in my grief footsteps is to not suppress your tears . I know some people have a music playlist or songs that are their ‘cry songs’. Tears are our bodies way of releasing emotions and crying is such an integral part of grief. It can be messy, ugly and loud but let it out. If you have little children that are sensitive to your tears find a closet or turn the shower on or if it’s suitable sit in your car. There is something sublimely healing about a good sob fest. Someone once told me- I can feel a big cry coming on. And I felt that so much. When we have big emotions going on they build up over a day or a week or whatever and somehow those Emotions need to get out. Find a way to let that happen.</p><p>Know you are loved and that ‘The 5 stages of Grief’ don’t happen in stages. There is no specific path of grief. It’s what heals your soul and soothes your heart and comforts your mind. Cry when the tears come. Scream and pound your fists on the floor when the pain cuts deep. Pray when the fear feels suffocating. Or don’t. It’s your journey and you are worthy of feeling safe even when your world feels flipped upside down. </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-74996040320633534032022-11-29T17:31:00.003-08:002022-12-06T13:30:45.689-08:00Musings on Grace & overwhelming victory <p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I was feeling burdened about a situation in my life and sat down to write because some of the thoughts felt important enough to be written down so I could think on them later. I sat down to write literally one sentence and this all came flying out of my fingers. It felt like God was speaking to me and after holding it close for quite a few weeks I decided to share it here. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> I hope it encourages and blesses you. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> If we’re wanting to raise our children to be good Christian’s, they don’t only need to learn to obey. They also must be shown piles of grace so that they can understand Gods amazing </span> <span style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">grace someday. Legalistic, ‘do as I say or else’ parenting does not depict Jesus to your child. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">If your only goal with your child is instant obedience, you have missed the point of raising strong Christians. God doesn’t treat us with a ‘do as I say or else’ manner. He is patient, gentle & kind. Yes he disciplines us and guides. Yes We must be obedient, yes we must learn to hear and know his voice but he’s not going around spanking you for gossiping or ____(insert sin). He’s gently whispering to you first, reminding you. Sometimes He does let things happen that make us sit up straight but He will never abandon us. He will never leave you or forsake you, even when you make mistakes.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Look around at people you know that are struggling with God, church or addictions. I truly believe that had more children <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>been shown & taught Gods grace and mercy by the adults in their young lives, we’d have way less middle aged adults wanting to leave ‘religion’, we’d have less addiction to things that they’re trying to fill an empty void with, we’d have less adults questioning ‘doctrines’ they’ve been ‘disciplined’ to adhere to no matter what, with zero explanation or history on why. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;">I don’t know that I have answers to this but I do know that this problem in our culture is deeply affecting people I adore; I pray that we can heal the hurting, aching hearts that long to know Jesus’ love FULL & FREE. Romans 8:37 promises us that OVERWHELMING victory is ours, through Christ, who loves us. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> Go read all of Romans & Galatians.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-size: 17px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody;"> If you have given your heart to God & you are born again. You are saved. Full stop. Absolutely nothing you do can separate you from Gods love & grace. It says that, in Romans 8. You already HAVE overwhelming victory through Him. He is sitting beside God fighting for you. Do you even know how amazing this is? Your sins you commit day by day have already, 2000 years ago been covered by the blood. Before you were even born, Christ died and in His death forgave <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>all the sins you’d commit someday. The Lord’s Prayer speaks of asking God to forgive us, and I think it’s right to acknowledge our mistakes and bring them to Jesus in prayer. But Becoming born again puts you in the family of God, you are a new creature, the old way of living is gone and it is now nearly impossible to remove yourself from His family. You are HIS child. Chose to believe this & live in your new found freedom in Christ. There is no other way to heaven. </span></p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-44539781179065009722022-05-11T19:26:00.002-07:002022-05-11T19:26:54.238-07:00{ hi mum}<p> Somehow we made it through another Mother’s Day without you physically here to bless and honor. This year the actual day wasn’t so terrible for me. It was those trips to Target and Hobby Lobby and Lowes, Home Depot, being online and being constantly bombarded with reminders of things to buy your mom, have you bought your mom a gift yet. The most special lady in your life deserves this, what did you buy your mom for Mother’s Day? The list could go on and this year it felt like a bad dream where every time I went into a store it screamed at me: You’re mom is dead. </p><p> I feel so incredibly honored to be a mommy myself. The gifts Tessa bestowed on me were truly epic. The things 8 year olds get excited about giving their moms, makes my heart hurt with joy. Hadley is actual sunshine in a body these days. Yes, she still has the energy of 3 2 year olds but the hugs and kisses are endless. </p><p> We spent the day at the beach, just the 4 of us. If you’ve been here any length of time you’ll likely know the ocean is that place for me where heaven comes down and I feel like that veil between heaven and earth is very thin. I see the blue of her eyes in the ocean and her steady presence in the continual, steady beat of the waves. I see her in the smiles of my girls, it’s uncanny how much they both look like their Grammy to me. I see her in their eyes and in their laughing faces. I know she’s with me but even so, there’s just nothing like her physical presence. </p><p> I was going to write and tell you about life here but I guess it turned into whatever this is. You’re in my heart always. </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-36507513126189190052022-01-01T14:48:00.000-08:002022-01-01T14:48:11.092-08:00A New Year<p> Happy New Year friends! I feel hopeful for this year, maybe it's my ever-optimistic outlook but deep down I feel hopeful for what this year will bring. Along with a lot of other families over the world, I have been dreaming of 40 acres and some dirt, a house, maybe a horse, a dog, just plenty of space to run and explore. 40 acres is hard to come by in California when you're ballin on a budget haha. So I will happily settle for even an acre. Laugh if you want but if you saw the size of my yard now it's less than 7,000 square feet. Someday... I really do love the little house we have now, It's been so great for us. But I am starting to itch for a bit more space. Dreaming is free right? What are you dreaming about? </p><p> I don't really do New Year's resolutions, but I do think about things I'd love to do better at in the coming year and one of those is soaking up time with loved ones. Life is short, be together every chance you get. Read that extra story, snuggle the baby a bit longer, and show the ones who live in your house and those who don't live in your house how much they mean to you whenever it is possible. Your home comes first, if your babies or teens are extra cranky and you feel run down with activities, take a month off and practice saying no to things that drag you down instead of lifting you up. </p><p>One other thing I am ever so slowly working on is switching all of our household items over to things that don't mess with our overall health and wellness. Organic fruits and veggies whenever possible, clean, chemical-free body care and cleaners. I still love and use things that aren't great for the earth like plastic straws and zip lock bags but I think it's called give and take. If its stressing you out, stop. That's my theory, and right now there are some things that, for me to give up, would only cause added mental strain. Along with this, I want to learn how to do sourdough. I have tried but wasn't consistent enough and my starter died. I'm hoping to start again and learn that maybe it's not as hard as I've thought it was!</p><p>I'd love to hear from you, what are new things you want to try this year or that you are giving up?</p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-23778937386085714432021-12-30T22:25:00.005-08:002021-12-30T22:25:55.571-08:00Do You Remember?<p> The body never forgets. Have you ever heard that before? There is a book I am reading called The Body Keeps the Score. Most of the time when I read it, it feels far above my head but there are parts of it that I can so relate to. </p><p> I never really understood that in my own life. The book makes sense to me now but 8 years ago I would have been very intrigued but that's about it. I had had the familiar feeling of dread or worry come over me when I would think about enduring another pregnancy or postpartum depression. There are things in life that you go through that you will never forget. There are also things in life we go through but after a while we forget certain aspects or pieces of the story. What is crazy to me is that your brain/body doesn't forget those things. You know how when you are entering your pin number for your debit card and your mind goes blank but then you put your fingers on the keypad and it's like your fingers just remember exactly where to go? It's crazy. Your body doesn't forget. </p><p> Last year sometime, I don't even remember the specific date, I woke up with such a heavy dark cloud, metaphorically hanging over me. My body felt off and I wept and ached the entire day. I was physically feeling the pain of grief but also something about how I felt was different. I didn't understand or know what it was. Like I have said multiple times I don't remember details, but somehow by the end of the day it occurred to me, by someone telling me or me looking back on dates, that it was the exact date we had found out Mum had leukemia. We had known it was possible but the date it was confirmed. The date my very greatest feared thing in life, since I was 16, happened. Cancer had come back. The date my heart broke, again. </p><p> I have enough dates to try and keep track of in my head, that specific date is not one I keep track of. I know the general timeline but I have to actually go look to find out specifics. My body remembered. You can think whatever you want right now, that it was just coincidence or whatever. That's okay. This is my story. But your body keeps the score, it's scientific. Your very being can hold on to so much that we forget. </p><p> When a person has had a tragedy or trauma occur to them they hold life in a different light. So many things that I once thought important are not that much anymore. The things I worry about and overthink about are somewhat different than they were 10 years ago. I'm guessing those things will all change again over time. I won't always think of cancer or death when someone near to me is sick. I won't always cry over specific songs or stories. Some day attending every day of school and every obligatory function might become more important to me. Now if there is a chance to love and give security to the people nearest me I take that chance, even if it means missing other less important things in this scheme of life. Some things your mind and heart just don't ever forget. So just love, so much love. </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-72810651647060697962021-12-27T17:57:00.005-08:002021-12-27T17:57:44.111-08:00To Stuff or Not to Stuff<p> My therapist told me one day in a conversation- You must be a stuffer. </p><p> Do you know what a stuffer is? Or are you scratching your head? Emotionally. Do you let the tears flow and the feelings feel or do you stuff them back down? Shoving, punching, pushing them back, covering them up with a pasted-on smile, or numbing them away with novels, shopping, movies, or food? My way of getting through hard things as always been to block stuff out or to just straight up convince myself it wouldn't or would happen. Believe me, you would probably smile at what I've all convinced my brain/heart about. These days I often just try to numb it away with things I listed above. </p><p> My hand is raised. I am a stuffer. Largely by my own make-up and partly because I have 2 sensitive little women I am raising who suffer when I openly suffer. It's a balance I haven't learned, how to grieve in front of your children healthily. I think it can be okay and in some cases only polite to hold back on your emotions but it should not be normal. Our society has taught us that it is normal but it is not. It should not be this way. </p><p> Today is December 27, 2 days past Christmas. I've been stuffing down sad, lonely, anxious feelings and grief for about 5 days now. I know I can only do that for so long before the volcano of hot, never stopping tears erupt. I can actually feel it building up sometimes, and I'll tell someone- I feel a big cry moving in. It's building up and then it just dumps. Sometimes it just hits like an wave, boom crash and I'm down. This weekend wasn't like that though. I physically felt it building up. </p><p> Back to my girls, both but especially the oldest one is so keen to sadness. She picks up on the slightest sniffle from me and needs to know if I'm okay. Her heart is often broken too from missing her Grammy so I feel like I can't always let my deep grief show because I don't want it dragging her down. Trust me, she definitely sees me sad, I just didn't want to be sad over Christmas, if I could help it. </p><p> I have trouble stopping my mind when I'm in this space. it goes and goes and keeps me awake at night, add on to that a toddler who has been waking 4+ times at night the last week. This isn't a pity party, its facts. It's grief. It's anxiety. </p><p> So today I haven't done much. I've done a lot of resting, took a nap, my girls have had more screen time than normal, I've cried whenever I have felt the tears welling up. And I've grieved the fact that my girls won't get Christmas gifts from Grammy this year. I've grieved that I can't facetime her to show her their gifts we bought them. I've grieved her not being here, earth side for another Christmas. I just miss her and if you know, you know. </p><p> If the tears are there friends, just let them fall. Tears, like the rain in thunder clouds, need to be let out. I hope reading this made you feel less alone and if not then I hope it gave you a new learned empathy for grieving, hurting hearts. </p><p> </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-59040757326488239162021-11-30T23:39:00.006-08:002022-12-05T22:39:38.007-08:00Just say Jesus I'm not really sure what to title this. It should probably be titled- Vulnerable alert!!! But, Preaching to the choir, Christmas Self Help, Getting through life while grieving or sad, Life tips for when it's hard, could all work too. I am not trained to help people through hard times. but goodness me do I love helping people and encouraging them. Sometimes the best way you can help me (and others) is by being vulnerable and open about your pain and hurts and joys.
Last week I had a friend message me and ask me - What is the go-to verse you fall back on or encouragement when life is just hard?
It kind of took me by surprise and to be honest I felt really honoured she would even ask me. I didn't have to think very long about a response. He who promised is faithful. ( Hebrews 10:23) That verse has literally carried me through countless trials. Money, bad pregnancy sicknesses, depression, anxiety, watching my mom bravely fight cancer for years, moving a couple thousand miles away from anyone I knew (when I got married) there's more but I'll spare you the details. you guys, He is faithful. but also, if not, He is still good. This verse is heavily paraphrased but comes from the story in the bible when the 3 men were thrown into the fire, because of their faith, and they said speaking to King Nebuchadnezzar 'if the God we serve exists then He can rescue us from this blazing fire, but even if He does not rescue us, we want you to know that we still will not serve you. Daniel 3:17. Spoiler alert- the 3 men came out of the fire with not even one hair singed on their head. God is still good: even if the bad thing happens, even if your prayer isn't answered, even if _____. Choose to believe that and don't sway. I really feel and believe this but I also feel so vulnerable putting that out there because it seems like an open invitation to be threatened by the devil.
Some more words I have written that hang by my kitchen sink are, God will make a way when there seems to be no way. I can not tell you how many times I have spoken those words to my anxiety-ridden mind and heart. Things have looked ridiculously impossible to me over the past 4 years especially, but somehow whispering those words over and over and over has calmed my racing mind. It may not be easy but there will be a way. Speak that over your brain until your heart starts to believe it. There is a song I am just thinking of right now. Just say, Jesus. When you don't know what to say, just say Jesus. ( Just Say Jesus by 7th Time Down).
Satan will do everything in his power to make you believe you are the only person in the entire world experiencing pain. But I am the only person, right? Nobody else around feels heartbroken. Nobody else is out buying groceries while also trying to reign in a panic attack, or cover up a flood of tears because the milk expiration date is the date of your dead mom's birthday. Everyone is smiling and happy at that wedding you are attending, nobody there is also feeling shattered that their dad couldn't walk them down the aisle or ______. Every person who you see cheerfully buying Christmas gifts, surely none of them just wish they could fast forward to February because memories of things they don't want to remember haunt them every December. Right? Every single person has a story that will likely break your heart. Sometimes it's really hard to believe that though, and that's okay. It's easy to look on and feel like literally every human on earth is crazy happy while you feel like you are drowning in despair. Hello, happens to me on the daily nearly. You too? Just say- Jesus. Just say- He is still good. Just say- God will make a way. Pick your own words. Write them down, tape them up everywhere and speak them bravely to your heart.
You are brave, even when you don't feel like you are. Keep going. Keep fighting. Keep holding your head up in between your cry sessions.<div>-</div><div>-<br /><div> Heaven knows I don’t have all the answers, but these are a few things that I go to when I’m feeling low. I felt inspired to write about it. If it helps you, wonderful. If not, that’s okay too. I may add to this yet But for tonight I am going to publish it. Leave me a comment below and tell me your favorite verses or words you say when you need a boost. If life feels too hopeless then just put a heart or message me privately. Hug. </div></div>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-24670341907968382832021-10-07T22:13:00.004-07:002021-10-07T22:21:27.677-07:00some thoughts<p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8Fke8gvRBMuwipIfEF7SRcA569WE7aOaFrjIOloo7Gku1oczYmvFRXtzvrLd1ep9y8MYCWi4_a-4sm0QGrSk_tK4FVSb2qUMddUVOv4BvcHuipM7xvhFLyNhSq0LgvSGnIK6_lq7-UAB/s4032/IMG_7805.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA8Fke8gvRBMuwipIfEF7SRcA569WE7aOaFrjIOloo7Gku1oczYmvFRXtzvrLd1ep9y8MYCWi4_a-4sm0QGrSk_tK4FVSb2qUMddUVOv4BvcHuipM7xvhFLyNhSq0LgvSGnIK6_lq7-UAB/s320/IMG_7805.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">- feeding the goats at the pumpkin patch </td></tr></tbody></table><br /> I am so tired of mosquitos. Anyone else? We have these tiny little ones in our house and they bite the girls and I like crazy. </p><p> I went to a cranial sacral therapist last week. She mostly worked on my head and told me 'it is quite messed up. ' I felt that in every way. I think I am doing so great mentally and then boom crash. Anyone else? </p><p> Hadley and her lungs can not handle the smoke the wildfires are sending our way. She has had 4-5 episodes of wheezing, a lot of belly breathing (scary business) in the past 4 months. I have always been able to pull her out of it with multiple home remedies I have up my sleeve. Monday and Tuesday I was worried and frustrated and called upon a Doctor. The doctor was very concerned about RSV at first but after agreeing to try a breathing treatment on her, that helped raise her oxygen levels, we sorta concluded it was allergies/asthma. I mean does a kid just get RSV 4-5 times in 4 months? Seems unlikely. The doctor let us go home with strict orders to head straight for the children's hospital should anything take even the slightest dip. Being a mom makes me weak-kneed some days. Anyone else?</p><p> We took the girls to the Pumpkin Patch on Saturday. James and I do not always agree on events like this. I was pleased to go and save $5 a person on entry fees along with the other 600 people. He was quite sure it would have been more pleasant to spend the extra money and go with much smaller crowds. I do tend to agree with him on the smaller crowd thing. The 2 story slide is always a high light for this mama. I mean who doesn't love one? The corn maze brings out all the adventuring parts of James and Tessa while all I could think about was getting out of there ASAP before we all had allergy welts ( aka hives) from the corn hitting our faces and arms. Oh and Hadley was already getting stuffed up from wandering through that corn patch, so the faster our escape, the better. Overall I love fall and I absolutely love taking my girls to do fun seasonal things. Anyone else?</p><p> A friend told me there is the ever so slight chance of rain here tomorrow and we possibly wouldn't be able to eat outside. All I heard was 'slight chance of rain'. We need and want rain here so badly. I dream of the (winter) days where it drizzles and fogs over for good parts of the day. Anyone else?</p><p> I'm ever so grateful for my tribe of friends. All of you, near and far. I see you all in my thoughts frequently and I just want you to know how loved you are by me but mostly by the King. You are chosen, Loved, and redeemed by Him. Doesn't that make you want to sing? It makes me want to. </p><p> Happy Thursday Night. XO</p><p> </p><p> </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-10283561283735354952021-09-17T17:52:00.000-07:002021-09-17T17:52:01.447-07:00{Hi Mum}<p> Are you there? Can you see us here doing life without you? Do you know how much we miss you and your wisdom and kind words? Do you see Tessa going off to school these days with out crying? She has been being so brave this school year. Last year was so very difficult for her and I. She has only asked me to come inside with her a few times and she has only came back home with me once. Do you see me struggling with motherhood? I have so many questions for you mama, so many. How did you do it? How did you raise all six of us and not yell. How did you survive 6 pregnancies being sick for the majority of the entire pregnancy? Do you see me showing Hadley the picture of you holding her when you first met her? I tell her about you and how much you loved her, and I weep that she will never remember your hugs and stories. Do you see us struggling so hard with bed time right now? It seems like it takes hours for everyone to fall asleep. Do you smile like a mother only can, when we all are sleeping? Do you see Tessa learning new things? She's growing up so much and learning what it means to persevere when trying a new 'career' as she likes to call it. Do you see my girls hugging and kissing me when I'm sad? Did you see Hadley say ' mama you cy'? and then she kissed me. Little did she know I was weeping while thinkging that she will never remember you. Do you see James taking care of us? He's so good to me mama. How did you know? How did you know he was the one for me? Did you hear Tessa tell me my breath smelled like yours after you ate toast? I had been drinking coffee and eating toast. That made me laugh and I like to think it made you laugh too. </p><p> I miss you mama. Every day, so much and I wonder what you can see. These are only a teeny tiny fraction of the things I'd tell you if I could talk to you today. I can't wait to talk to you again. </p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-54992813010661865862021-09-17T17:13:00.002-07:002021-09-17T17:14:14.869-07:00{the sewing machine} You know when you're young and you think your mom has the best ____ ever? I felt that way about my moms sewing machine. I very vaguely remember her getting this exact machine. With 5 girls plus herself to clothe she spent hours at a sewing machine, much to her dismay. Looking back I can't fathom how she did it except I know that most of her sewing happened after us kids were in bed. <div>
If she sewed during the day she'd often let me set up her old machine and 'sew' by hand turning the wheel thing ( for lack of a better word). I created many a fancy purse, pillowcase, and barbie dresses by the handful. </div>
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The older I got the more she let me use her machine. One day while trying extra hard to create likely another barbie dress, I sewed my thumb. The needle went right through. I'm guessing I was a little gun shy for awhile after that. </div>
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When I was about 13 mom paid for a seamstress to teach my little sis and I the real tricks of the trade. We learned how to properly sew in a zipper, do a buttonhole and all the must-knows for sewing. </div>
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I of course was using the coveted Kenmore. I loved the different colors the display showed of different stitches and I loved turning the knob to select the different stitches. </div>
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Later on when I was about 15, with money from my Grandma and our Alberta Premier, mom helped me buy my own machine. Much to my dismay, she would not let me 'buy' hers. It was all I wanted. </div><div> Instead I got a Bernina. I was supposed to be the best but it didn't feel right. I used that machine until I just before I married and sold it. </div><div> Once I had made the move to California I tried a new friends Babylock machine and I fell in love. I hadn't sewed on a machine that felt so much like my mums. So I went and bought one. </div><div> 1.5 years ago at Christmas, the last Christmas we spent with mum, she gave me the Kenmore sewing machine. My babylock was having some issues a few months after my mum went to heaven and i gingerly pulled out the Kenmore, needing to mend or sew something. It felt like a gift. A gift from the past. Opening up the the little storage container, my tears flowed. The seam ripper, all the bobbins loaded with different colour of thread. I held all the pieces as if they were gold. Pieces of gold that I knew her fingers and hands were the last to touch. Pieces of gold that she had used to create baby quilts for her grand kids and whatever project had caught her fancy. </div><div> The sewing machine is put away in the closet right now, I haven't used it in awhile, but I see it every time I open that door and while I feel so lucky to be the one to get to keep it it hurts my heart also to see it sitting there. </div><div> There is so much to grief that most people do not see... Would you have thought that getting a sewing machine out of the closet would cause me to lay on the floor and weep? It happened. </div><div><br /></div><div>PS. I wrote this July 1, 2020 and never hit publish. Today I am hitting publish.</div>
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Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-21892998961227802002021-09-17T16:49:00.004-07:002022-12-05T22:40:26.672-08:00Starting Again... please read :)<p> After the encouragement of a dear friend, here I am writing down the thoughts in my head. Again, I don't know who is still here and I don't know where you are at on this journey of life. We all are on our own journeys, what I want to make clear is that this is my journey, my story, my view. I know that there are so many people struggling and having hard things in life. I have often wanted to write about many things in my life but I have been afraid of criticism and even pity. While both have their place, writing is therapeutic to me and if I can help someone else in life with what i have to say then, let me say it.</p>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-66147298068790956852019-04-03T07:42:00.000-07:002019-04-03T07:51:48.592-07:00{new thoughts}I don't even know if anyone is still here. It's been 2 years since I last put anything on here, but lately, my fingers and my heart have been itching( or aching) to write. So often I have things I want to share or even just write down for my own self, not even for the whole world to see but this morning something I read by Ann Voskamp made me want to actually start putting down my thoughts. What better way to connect with the world around me than to write? Sometimes healing and moving on comes when we open our hearts and minds to what others have to think or say. Maybe this is my way of doing both.<br />
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Ann Voskamp says in her book Be the Gift that we can only become like Christ when we share our brokenness with the world. There is no healing communion unless we break our egos, our hearts, our pride etc. Judging is a blindfold. It blinds us to our own grime. It also blinds us to the fact that others are as needy of grace as we are. When we can offer grace to others we can become a safe place for that person. Grace makes you safe.<br />
Think about that. Grace makes you safe. Do you feel safe with a person you feel less than to or a person you feel doesn't support, honor, love, accept you or your choices? What if today we chose to be more like Christ and offered endless amounts of grace to everyone and became the person everyone felt safe around. Could you become more Christ-like? I think not.<br />
I have this little thing I do somedays where I draw a cross on my wrist, right above my watch band. I see it countless times throughout the day and it reminds me of things I want to be reminded of. Sometimes to pray for someone/something, or just to remember God's grace for me on days that feel heavy. Today I didn't draw a cross instead I wrote: Be like Christ. I want to remember to offer grace today. You to?<br />
Also I'd love to know if you're still here with me. Drop a comment below and make my day!Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-52266129344468097832016-07-26T00:03:00.001-07:002016-07-26T00:03:11.841-07:00{fun things}- I got 2 new nieces in the past month! Emerson and McKinnley<div>
- I get to meet Emerson in about 12 days! </div>
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- we spent 13 glorious rain filled happy days in Alberta </div>
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- Alberta summers just rock</div>
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- it was 90 degrees in my kitchen this afternoon! Thankful for outdoor grills to cook food on!</div>
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- Tess and I picked tomatoes today! Yum yum!</div>
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- I froze about 30 bags of peaches Saturday. Thankful for friends who let me have free ones off their trees!</div>
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- the Cat & Jack clothing line at target has me captivated! So so cute and fun!</div>
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- we need tips for traveling with a toddler! Road trip to Alberta in a week! </div>
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- Seeing all my Friesen cousins soon! </div>
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- my legs are also commonly known as "a slide".</div>
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- the bathroom floor got washed twice today. Once with cleaner and once with "bath water". </div>
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- home made bath paint is a great baby sitter these days!!</div>
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- I had a block fed to me numerous times in about 5 minutes time. It was first a phone, before it became "very nummy cake, open up big mommy!", and then ice cream and then " you need medicine mommy, you have a very sick tummy." </div>
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- the basil in the garden is blooming. I hope that's ok... I know nothing. </div>
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- it is a cool 75 degrees now and I'm going to sleep. </div>
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xoxo</div>
Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-89235567426031071272016-06-20T23:50:00.001-07:002016-06-20T23:50:19.499-07:00{Tessa 2 years 5 months}- do it again mum. Do it again.<br />
After every song, story, hide n seek, jumping in to the pool, alway- let's doit again.<br />
She makes up songs. About every thing- people, places, things we've done and About Frankly (Franklin) the turtle and she begs me to sing her Franklin songs!!<br />
Her favourite foods are - pancakes, pancakes, pancakes, fruit snacks and hamburger with ketchup.<br />
She loves to dig in the dirt, blow bubbles, jump and hop.<br />
She gets very anxious if she ever sees me cry or if I get hurt. "It ok mummy" "you be ok".<br />
The other day I stepped on a rock. I didn't say anything or even make a face but she noticed and immediately she came and patted my hand and said- you be alright mum. You ok.<br />
I hope she never ever loses that sensitive loving heart of hers.<br />
Well, although the sensitive isn't all wonderful as she gets horribly hurt and weepy at the slightest "not now" or "TESSA STOP". But maybe she's just being a female ;)<br />
She's been attempting to prove her "bigness" by using the toilet. It has worked I think 2 times out of 6 or 10 times! It's a start!<br />
Also finally finally we are having success at sleeping all night long/going back to sleep by herself. (I'm likely jinxing myself right now) solid sleep makes me feel like a new woman!!<br />
Her hair is slowly growin, some spots are probably 1.5 inches long now! And she definitely has some curls going on most days ...<br />
<br />Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-85369837071360146032016-05-28T10:14:00.001-07:002016-05-28T10:14:17.364-07:00{at the mall} on Thursday Tess and I took a little drive up the "free way" (aka: 4-lane highway)<br />
To Modesto. we hadn't been shopping long when she woke up in her stroller. I was looking at some clothes and she was too for that matter when she picked one up and declared - "mommy this is WONDERFUL.<br />
Oh yes honey child. Baby Gap is always wonderful.Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-54405631794751741432016-05-22T22:37:00.001-07:002016-05-22T22:37:24.326-07:00{ little friends}It was after church, we were sitting having snack with our dear friends (who leave Tuesday for Burkina Faso. ) Brynlee ,3, was sitting on her grandpas lap, Tessa was so determined to go sit on his lap too. So she went. (I'm not sure she's ever even seen this grandpa) and there they sat 2 little friends eating cupcakes. Brynlee would scoop a bite in to Tessa's mouth and then herself. Both completely oblivious to their surroundings and the impending big good-bye... They ate 2 cupcakes. And I just stared, burning that memory in to my head... 3 years is so long and I know they won't know each other when they meet again. Sorta breaks my heart beat but You can bet that I'll be telling this little story to Tess for the next 3 years...<br />
Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-10681984752840721062016-04-22T23:01:00.001-07:002016-04-22T23:01:07.142-07:00{lucky}Tonight Tessa crawled onto our bed sprawled out soother and blankie in hand and pronounced- this the luckiest day ever!!<br />
I feel the luckiest to be her mummy.<br />
She told Grandma Bertha when we left her this eve. "That was so special". Made me sorta laugh!<br />
She hears so much more than I can even believe and picks up on things I say. She's too little to be saying such grown up stuff, isn't she?<br />
Tessa was talking on her Fisher Price phone to Mia the other day and informed her - " I'll be 'round shortly".<br />
And on and on I could go.. I don't want to forget these days so I must write them down.<br />
Nighty night.<br />
<br />Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-10167518867340299322016-04-19T14:20:00.002-07:002016-04-19T14:20:21.612-07:00{and now I lay me down to sleep}at 2 years and 3 months I think we are finally conquering the sleeping in your crib all night.<br />
But not with out some stipulations on T's part- bankie, sooder, Apple juice and for the last week her "chicken book".<br />
(Blankie, soother, and The little Red Hen book.) I tuck her in and she says- I read my chicken book mummy?<br />
She loves books and another favourite these days is the Sears wish book which she calls "the Bawbie book". Because, Barbies!! she's not a girl for nothing.<br />
She'll look for lowly worm and gold bug in the Richard Scarry books endlessly... And then there is "sister Bear"... We read and read or just look at pictures...<br />
What are your kids favourite books?Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-5089311040084412772016-04-11T22:08:00.002-07:002016-04-11T22:08:31.024-07:00{moving mountains}How many of you moved mountains today?<br />
I only realized i was moving mountains when i loaded up my huge pile of dirty laundry that had been spread on the floor. Tessa had been walking on it and jumping off, but when i scooped it up she yelled- no no thats my mountain mummy. Don't take my mountain!<br />
but no way was i going to leave that smelly pile of clothes laying there...<br />
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you never know when your mountain will get moved!<br />
Sometimes we don't even want it moved and then just like that it's gone!<br />
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toodles.Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-64969307462292458992016-03-21T22:38:00.002-07:002016-03-21T22:38:40.545-07:00there's this little girl who stole my heart...what? you say WHAT? I know, friends its been years, literally. i missed you, friendly keyboard and white screen, oh and also all of you!<br />
Long story short- I got pregnant, we moved to Alberta, had a baby, worked while my family and husband kept baby, moved back to California and here we are today...<br />
Tessa turned 2 Feb. 2. She is bald, about 30 inches tall, weighs about 30 pounds and is hilarious. I am partly saying that because I am her mother and partly because it is true. she talks NON -stop. talks as in literal sentences and big words,and she sings entire songs. I think I will give her the nick-name 'mag-pie'.{ as my dear old friend Penny used to call me. Ha ha! }<br />
so, how many of you are here still, anybody?<br />
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Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4613947081772547465.post-23351084695310706312014-09-20T23:36:00.001-07:002014-09-20T23:36:31.297-07:00a good read<a href="http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/dear-parents-you-are-being-lied">http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/dear-parents-you-are-being-lied</a><div><br></div><div>I know, I know- I am one of those desperately anxious mums who want every vaccine possible given to my baby in the effort of protecting her AND the people she is with...</div><div> Read this wise article... </div>Jenn Jantzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07388499151736667578noreply@blogger.com3